How to make anger your friend

It can be hard to know how to deal with anger. It can be an an overwhelming emotion.

If you let it, though, anger will be your true friend and ally. 

Throughout our lives, we learn that anger is an inappropriate, unattractive, destructive emotion. But, in reality it can be a powerful force for good.

Anger is a messenger and a motivator.

It lets you know when someone has violated your boundaries, and gives you the energy to act when something needs to change.

Anger is only a problem when it’s stifled and ignored, leading to explosive outbursts or depression, while increasing the risk for health problems like heart attacks.

Here’s a way to use your anger to improve your life, your health, and the world:

1.) Practice paying attention.

Notice your emotions throughout the day, and thank them for bringing you messages.

When you realize you’re angry, listen to your anger. Let it make you curious. Why am I angry? How can I change this?

Determine if someone or something has violated your boundaries, or if the anger is inviting you to make a change (or both.)

A.) If your boundaries have been violated…

Has someone asked to much of you? Is someone standing too close? Have they disturbed your equilibrium? Taken to much of your time?

Is someone allllll up in your business?

This discomfort lets you know that someone is in your space, and it helps you maintain your boundaries.

You can…

…Speak up! Talk about how it’s making you feel. This isn’t necessarily about making someone wrong, it’s more about understanding your needs. (So, you can feel free to stick to “I” statements– “I feel overwhelmed,” “I’m uncomfortable”…etc.)

…Make a change. Don’t answer the phone when it rings (you can call people back when you want to), start saying no to commitments that don’t interest you, take some time to focus on you. In short, draw clear boundaries with your behavior.

…Adapt. Notice your own habits. Is that person really out of line, or are you being a bit rigid in your thinking? You may realize you’re being territorial about something unnecessary.  In this case, decide whether you need to ask others to change, or if this one’s on you.

…Move away. If the person violating your space is not your friend, co-worker or acquaintance, sometimes the best thing to do is just get out of there : )

B.) When Anger is a motivator…

Do you find that you’re angry throughout the workday? Did an interaction you saw on the street rub you the wrong way? Are you sick of sitting inside all the time?

Anger can tell you that something in your life or in the world needs to change. It can let you know that it’s time to switch it up, alter your lifestyle, or move to another city. It can also alert you to the presence of injustice.

This type of anger is urging you to move, change, act.

Though they were pacifists, I’m sure you can believe that Ghandi got angry, that Rev. MLK got angry, that Maya Angelou got angry, and that this anger is part of what motivated them to work towards greater justice in the world.

If you find you’re experiencing this type of anger, do your best to take action. Make a move towards changing the situation- talk to your friends about leaving your job, speak out against something unjust, plant a small garden on your porch-whatever action works towards the needed change.

Robert F Kennedy speaking up for civil rights

If worse comes to worse, and there’s no creative or beneficial outlet for your feelings, move around, go for a run, write an angry letter to god, get it all out of your system one way or another.

This will, at the very least, keep the anger from getting stuck in your body and making you sick.

C.) Other situations

If you find yourself getting angry often, for no reason, you may want to check in with your liver health, as the liver is the natural generator and processor of anger.

The body can also use anger to move things internally (like a blocked artery, or stuck grief), so that might be going on under the surface if you can’t find an immediate cause for your anger.

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I hope  you find this helpful when you need it. If you get in the practice of noticing your anger, and using it to spur change, you’ll have a new friend for life.

Can you remember a time when anger helped you make a positive change in your life, your health, or the world? Inspire us by sharing in the comments below.